Two Wishes
by gothicbutterfly95
Summary: When the newly-wedded Eliza Hamilton discovers she's pregnant, she only wants two things: for her child to be happy and healthy, and for her husband Alexander to return home safe from the war to meet his son. But sitting back waiting is harder than she thought.
1. Chapter 1

**Like with my first Hamilton fic, I have included the other Schuyler children, so there are more than just the three Schuyler Sisters. Also, the timeline is a little all over the place. But between the Hamilton timeline and the real time, I figure this is close to what could be happening.**

* * *

Eliza could not stop throwing up.

She'd been feeling like this for quite some time. Sick to her stomach and unusually tired. She hadn't even been able to drink the tea the maid had brought up for her; for the entirety of this Tuesday morning, she'd either been in bed or in the bathroom.

"You know what it is, don't you?"

She looked up from where she was bent over the sink to see her mother standing in the doorway.

And before Eliza could answer, it clicked, and she knew.

She felt like she would vomit again, but for a completely different reason.

How had she not thought of this before? Now that she knew, she realised she hadn't had her cycle. In two months.

Alexander had left so soon after the wedding that she hadn't even considered this. They'd barely had a honeymoon before he'd had to leave. She was still at Pastures while he was off serving General Washington as his aide-de-camp. They hadn't had time to find that little place in Harlem that he'd talked about.

"You think so?"

Yes," her mother nodded.

Slowly, Eliza nodded back. Her mother would know; she'd been pregnant so many times. For each of the seven children she'd had, Catherine Van Rensselaer had lost one, either through miscarriage or cot death. The latter had always been the hardest. Eliza had been there to see them all.

And now she was going through it herself.

She was pregnant.

* * *

 _Dear Alexander,_

 _I count the days until I get another letter from you; just to know if you're still alive. I wish we could've had a proper honeymoon, but that is irrelevant now. All I want is for you to stay alive. From the updates I hear about Valley Forge and my knowledge of my father's experience at war, I know you could be taken at any moment. I know all you're doing is writing for the General, and are not actually on the field, but I'm always so scared._

 _Everyone here at home sends their love. Angelica asks after you every day, even though she knows I haven't heard from you, Peggy has something she wants to tell you (she won't tell me what it is), and the others can't wait to see you again._

 _Neither can I_

 _I miss you so much,_

 _Your darling Betsey_

Eliza put down her pen and sighed. The letter was shorter than what she usually wrote, but she was exhausted. This was the first time she'd written to Alexander since she'd discovered she was pregnant. For a moment, she felt guilty she hadn't mentioned it. But she knew her husband. Alexander would fight until they had won the war and were free of Britain. This would either put more stress on his shoulders, or withdraw him from the cause he cared so much about. And he deserved to be told about his child in person.

They hadn't called the doctor yet; but between Eliza's symptoms and her mother's knowledge they didn't really need to. However, her father had insisted.

Given his wife's many miscarriages, Philip Schuyler insisted that a doctor be called at some point in the future, to make sure his daughter and unborn grandchild were both safe and healthy.

Eliza wondered if her father was simply insisting she see a doctor because he was nervous, if not downright terrified, about becoming a grandfather. But she could completely understand. She was terrified about becoming a mother, but at the same time, she knew a child would be the most wonderful gift she could possibly receive.

* * *

"Congratulations, Mrs. Hamilton," the doctor said. "You are indeed pregnant."

Eliza wasn't sure whether to be shocked or relieved.

She was still feeling sick most of the time, and spent much of her time resting in bed. Her siblings would visit her several times a day. She was very happy for all the support she was receiving from her family, though it didn't alleviate her exhaustion or anxiety.

Her stomach had started to grow by now; not terribly noticeable, but enough to render the doctor's point moot. But it was still a very strange experience, hearing it from him.

"You're about ten weeks along," the doctor continued. "Everything is going well. You're almost in your second trimester, so it's highly unlikely you'll miscarry. The baby should be here in September."

Eliza relaxed slightly; that should make her father happy. But then she thought of something else. Her eyes widened and she suddenly tensed. She knew that pregnancy and childbirth did not involve men, and that she would have more than enough people in her family to help her through, but she wished Alexander were here. But who knew how long the war would go on for? Whether Alex would make it back at all?

The doctor seemed to be reading her thoughts: "Your husband's not here, is he?"

"I'm afraid not," she said with a shake of her head. "He's at Valley Forge. He's General Washington's aide-de-camp."

She knew how much Alex hated his post. He'd turned down offers from both Henry Knox and Nathaniel Green, for no other reason than the fact that wanted him as a secretary. Her husband was too ambitious to sit quietly on the sidelines of a battle. According to his letters to her, he asked every day to command some troops, only to receive another rejection.

So now he was stuck writing essays with his friend John Laurens, in addition to every single missive the general needed sent.

"Ah yes, the tomcat," he chuckled, causing Eliza to laugh softly too. "You must be very proud of him."

"I –" Eliza didn't know what to say. Was she proud of Alexander? Yes, she was. She was so proud that he was willing to fight so hard for this cause that meant so much to him. It meant a lot to her too; but being a woman – and now with child – she was unable to help. She was glad Alex was there to do it for the both of them.

But she was also terrified for his life. And now more than ever she wanted him here by her side. She wanted him alive.

She needed him alive.

She needed to write to General Washington.

She needed her husband home.


	2. Chapter 2

_General Washington,_

Eliza paused, tapping her pen against her chin. She needed to get this right. Alex's life, their future together, their child's future, would be determined by this letter.

She needed to get this right, but she was running out of time. The longer she took writing this letter, the longer it would take for her husband to come back home.

She refused to think about him not returning.

She started the letter over.

 _Your Excellency,_

Yes, that was better.

 _Your Excellency,_

 _First, let me say how proud I am to see such progress in our country. It is truly wonderful, and I know I'm lucky to be alive right now, to see these groundbreaking changes in the world. I also hope you are having luck in your endeavours and are staying as safe as you possibly can. I've heard of your past successes and I'm sure you're doing everything you can for your men as well as our country._

 _But now to the reason I am writing this letter. I haven't received a reply to the last letter I sent to my husband. I understand that, on the battlefield, mail is hardly your first priority, and that as your aide-de-camp, Alexander is extremely busy. I understand this many seem trivial, but I am not just asking for myself._

 _I haven't told Alexander yet, but I just discovered I'm pregnant. I do not wish to overstep my boundaries, but I implore you to at least consider giving Alexander leave, and send him home, even it is only briefly._

 _I know from his past letters he would rather be in command of a battalion. I'm sure you know that too, and I trust your decision to keep him off the battlefield – I too know how good a wordsmith he is._

 _I am grateful for his safety, but I know as well as you that war is deadly even on the sidelines, and now more than ever, I need him to come home._

 _If you think you could manage without him for even a few days, I beg you to at least consider my request._

 _I believe we both have a mutual desire for him to stay alive._

 _Sincerely,  
_ _Eliza Hamilton_

* * *

"How are you feeling?" asked Peggy, softly opening the door and sliding into her sister's bedroom. She sat down next to Eliza on the bed and grasped her hand.

Eliza smiled wanly, "I've been better," she answered. "But I'm okay."

"Are you scared?"

Eliza sighed as she turned to her sister. "I'm terrified," she admittedly softly.

She couldn't deny her fear about the pain. Helping her mother through her pregnancies, she knew childbirth would be beyond uncomfortable. But that was nothing compared to what she would feel after the child was born.

She hadn't even thought about it, but her motherly instinct seemed to have kicked in already. Every night, every time she went to church, she prayed that nothing would happen to her child, before or after they were born; she already loved them so much.

Peggy smiled and grasped her hand tighter.

"I feel uncomfortable just watching you go through this," Peggy continued. "I don't know how Mama's done it twelve times before."

Her sister was right. Eliza knew the reward would be wonderful, and that as soon as her child was placed in her arms, she would forget everything, but right now she wasn't able to look that far into the future. Especially not while her husband was away.

"Neither do I," she laughed.

* * *

As it turned out, a week after the doctor's visit, her mother found out she'd fallen pregnant again. She didn't need to call for the doctor; Eliza may have needed to get outside confirmation, but her mother knew every possible symptom inside and out. This was her thirteenth pregnancy.

Eliza's feelings on the knowledge that her youngest sibling would be the same age as her child were somewhat mixed; but she knew that she would love them both all the same. And if nothing else, they could be playmates.

She didn't really know anyone around her age who had children of their own, though she supposed that was what came from living at home after your wedding.

And if Alexander was going to be away as much as he was, it would be nice for her daughter or son to have someone their own age to play with. When there was over twenty years between her and her new sibling, would it really matter if they were uncle and niece or nephew and aunt? Relationships all blurred into one in her family. Alex had, in a sense, been adopted into the Schuyler family when he proposed to her. She was still living at home after several months of marriage. Angelica was old enough to be Cornelia's mother.

And nobody noticed any of it.

Why should they notice this?

* * *

"It must be very small," giggled Cornelia.

Eliza smiled at her youngest sister, whose hands were, once again, on her stomach. They were sitting out in the garden; she still felt terrible much of the time, but she was no longer spending all her time in bed, and things seemed to be getting better.

Some things anyway. She didn't notice her state of dress much; the relief of not having to wear a corset every day was cancelled out by the discomfort of her ever expanding stomach – discomfort that would only get worse in the coming months. Corsets, uncomfortable as they were, remained the same.

But there were times – like right now – when she didn't notice any of it.

Cornelia had always made Eliza smile. She couldn't confide in her the way she could with Peggy and Angelica, but she was able to have fun with Cornelia in a way that she simply unable to with her older sisters.

The five year old had been thrilled about finding out her sister was going to have a baby, and was constantly asking Eliza if she could feel her stomach.

Eliza was only too happy to oblige.

It made her wonder if this was what would happen should she have more than one child. For a moment she could imagine her child resting his or her hands on her belly, wondering about their younger sibling.

She could vaguely remember when she was around four years old, being fascinated during one of her mother's pregnancies. She couldn't wait to meet her new brother or sister, but sadly, both of the twins had died before they could turn one.

She was glad her siblings were so excited about the baby, and, in addition to praying for her child, she also prayed for her siblings; she didn't want her brothers and sisters to go through the loss she and Angelica and Peggy had gone through with the twins that never made it.

But then there was the matter of her husband.

If anyone deserved to meet their son or daughter, it was Alexander. She had never met anyone so inspirational. He was ambitious, determined, resilient, and though he didn't show it often, cared deeply for those he loved. For all his flaws, Eliza knew there could be no better role model for a child who would come of age in this young nation.

But you couldn't be a role model when you were so far away.


	3. Chapter 3

Eliza sighed, trying not to let her disappointment show, when she walked into Angelica's room and saw her sister with an envelope in her hand.

The mail must have arrived today with her knowing. Her father always had several letters, Peggy was now receiving one every so often, and Angelica was too, it seemed.

But there were none for her.

"Hello," Angelica smiled. She must have noticed how upset she was, because she continued: "I'm sorry. I wish he would write to you too."

Eliza just nodded.

For a moment, she wondered if there was more to Angelica's words than just comfort. In a way she seemed just as disappointed when there was no word from Alexander; she still hadn't stopped asking after her brother-in-law.

As far as Eliza knew, her sister was unaware that she'd written to the General, but whatever the case, she certainly didn't seem very interested in her letter in her hands, which she hadn't even opened.

In a way it made Eliza mad. Here was her sister, uncaring about receiving a letter, while every time the mail arrived, she would get excited, only to be saddened to find there were none from the General; and very few from Alexander, none of them mentioning anything that could indicate he could be home soon.

She desperately wanted to do more. But there was no upside to writing to the General again. If he hadn't thought she was overstepping her boundaries before, he would afterwards.

All she could do was wait. And it was torturous; not even her pregnancy could completely distract her.

* * *

"You know," Angelica said. "Your hair has never looked better."

This was a new, but not unexpected, development. After watching her mother through ten pregnancies – and now another– Eliza knew it was common for women's bodies to change drastically while they were expecting.

Just like she had stopped wearing corsets, her ankles had swollen so much that she only wore shoes when absolutely necessary. Several times when she sat out in the garden, her feet were bare.

Her breasts had also grown, now bigger than either of her sisters', and Eliza briefly wondered if her sister was going to mention that. Given how exhausted she was, not to mention her constant anxiety over both her husband and their child, she was sure Angelica would notice exactly how her body was changing more than she did. It had never bothered her that she had always had a smaller bust than Angelica and Peggy, and now, it was the last thing on her mind.

"Yes, I know," she grumbled. "I'm glowing."

"Yes, and you're beautiful."

"I'm not," she countered. "I'm big and awkward and –"

"Alexander will think you're beautiful," her sister interrupted.

Eliza's spirits brightened a little at that. She knew Angelica was serious; and she had to admit, she did like her hair now. She hoped Alexander would come home early enough to see it.

To see her.

* * *

"Mama," Eliza ventured, when she was sitting with her mother in the parlour."What was it like being pregnant while Daddy was away?"

Her mother had gone through two pregnancies while her husband was away at war. If anyone could relate to every aspect of her situation it was Catherine Van Rensselaer.

"It was hard," she said. "Especially when…"

"I know," Eliza whispered, gently taking her mother's hand.

Two years after Cornelia's birth, she had miscarried again. Her husband had returned from the Battle of Saratoga to find the child his wife had so happily told him she was having had met his Maker before he could meet his father.

"I was terrified for him," she admitted softly. Her eyes glazed over and Eliza could tell she was fighting the lump in her throat.

"But mostly, I was terrified for all of you."

Eliza realised she understood. She had been praying for her siblings for the exact same reason. How would a child react if one of their parents went away and never returned?

She wanted to protect her child from all the evil in the world as much as she wanted Alexander to come home safe and sound. But the two happened to be inexplicably linked. She couldn't protect her son or daughter from the horrors of war; it was up to Alex to save himself from that; and in turn, save their child.

* * *

Days turned to weeks, and Eliza got more stressed. She knew it wasn't good for either her or the baby, but she couldn't help it. Every moment Alex wasn't home his life, along with the future of their family, was at stake.

She wrote back every time she received word from Alexander, but the replies were still few and far-between, with still no indication that he had any upcoming leave or that General Washington had even received her message.

These letters from her husband weren't anything particularly special, like the love letters of their courtship. More than anything, they seemed to be updates of everything he'd been going through since he left her; yet right now, they meant more to her than any other, and she found herself reading the latest one over and over until the next arrived.

 _My dearest, Eliza,_

 _I feel I may be livid. You know I've been asking the General for a command every day, and he has turned me down every time._

 _I didn't think I could have suffered through such denial, yet given recent events, I feel maybe I could have. Yesterday Washington promoted Charles Lee, making him a general. Forgive me for being so blunt, but that man is an incompetent, egotistic coward, whose record clearly shows he is unsuitable for such a prestigious position._

 _Laurens agrees with me._

 _I truly do not understand why the General chose Lee for such a position. He has even admitted he does not agree with him. And Lee frequently insults Washington, even when he's close enough to hear._

 _Unfortunately, despite that, he has ordered me to stay out of it and not provoke Lee._

 _But I don't know if I can. I could handle watching from the sidelines if that were to help us win the war. But I refuse to let us lose to the British because we are under the command of a man who is_ _inexperienced and ruinous._

 _I hope you are all well back at home. I sometimes feel dreadful that I left you so soon after we married, but I know you agree with me that this cause is germane to the future of our country, and our lives._

 _I love you,_

 _Alexander_

Eliza sighed. _The comma after dearest…_

She had loved Alexander from the first night they met, at that ball in the winter, but she hadn't realised how much he truly meant to her until he'd left.

* * *

Finally, the letter came.

 _Mrs. Hamilton,_

 _First things first: congratulations. It is wonderful to hear that you're expecting a child. I'm sure your husband will be very happy at such news._

 _I apologise that I couldn't reply promptly to your letter, but as you said, mail is not a priority during war. However, I am grateful that you did contact me. While Alexander's services are invaluable to me, I think some leave would be very beneficial for everyone involved, especially now._

 _As I send this letter off, I am dealing with the aftermath of a, well let's say an argument would be putting it lightly, that involved your husband. I won't get into the details of the event, but Alexander is unharmed, and, despite his unwillingness to leave, is on his way home to you at my command._

 _I don't know when I will next require Alexander's services, so I will write you when I do. Until such a time, he should stay at home with you. He needs to_ _take a break_ _for reasons independent of his future child._

 _Sincerely,_

 _General G. Washington_


	4. Chapter 4

Eliza couldn't do anything as she finished reading, she was stunned so. All she had wanted was for her husband to live long enough, so his story would contain her; their family. So they were his legacy. And now that would happen. It was only a matter of time.

From both the General's letter and Alex's she couldn't piece together exactly what had happened out at Valley Forge, but she didn't care. Everyone was safe, and her husband was coming home!

Angelica seemed almost as happy as she was, when she heard Alexander would be returning. If she hadn't had so much on her mind, Eliza would've wondered why her sister was so interested in her brother-in-law. It definitely was more than just friendly affection.

Many years later she would find out that this was indeed true.

Unfortunately, the General had not specified when Alexander would get home. All he had said was that he was on his way home; but Eliza had no idea how long he would to arrive, or how soon after he'd left the General had written to her.

Thankfully this time around, the waiting was much more bearable.

* * *

"Eliza?"

Eliza's heart leapt. She hadn't known it would be today; the last time she'd heard from him was before the General's reply arrived. But that voice could only mean one thing. Alexander was home!

Her back was to him; he had clearly come through the side of the garden. She stood up and, somewhat ungainly, turned around; she wanted to run into her husband's arms and weep with joy, but she knew that the child she was carrying inside her was an even greater blessing **,** so she refrained.

As soon as she saw his face, she broke out in a grin. Tears spilled from her eyes and ran down her cheeks.

Alexander, however, looked dumbstruck. All he did was slowly walk across the courtyard towards her and place his hands on her belly.

Eliza thought it might be the most wonderful feeling ever.

"You're…we're…" he stammered. Eliza had never seen her husband lost for words. "How long have you known?"

"A month or so."

"You should've told me."

"I wrote to the General a month ago," she explained. "I begged him to send you home."

For a second Alex looked angry. Eliza couldn't blame him. If he'd kept something this big from her, she would be upset.

"I wanted to tell you," she continued, wiping her eyes; the tears having come to an end. "Believe me, there were days when I felt guilty I hadn't. But I knew you'd fight until the war was won…"

"We haven't won the war yet," interrupted Alexander.

"I know," she nodded. "I thought this would only make things harder for you out there. And I thought you deserved to be told in person."

Alexander relaxed at those words. But a moment later, he sunk down on the bench.

"Alexander," Eliza asked, suddenly confused. "What's wrong?"

There was no response.

"Alexander?"

"This is terrible!"

"What?" she asked, her confusion giving way to terror. "What do you mean?"

Despite his brief anger at her mention of the General a moment, from which he had now calmed down, Alexander had been nothing but amazed since he arrived. Had he been lying? Feigning happiness? Did he care about the war _more_ than his family?

That thought worried Eliza. Ambition was a huge part of who her husband was, and she would not change that for the world. But she had always hoped, always believed, that a family would mean just as much to him as it did to her.

"Do you remember what I told you the day I asked you to marry me?"

"Of course I do," Eliza replied, sitting down beside him. It had been the happiest day of her life. "But what does that have to do with our child?"

"Nothing's changed," he explained. "I'm still penniless. I don't have a command or fame…"

She sighed. It hadn't been any of the things she had worried it might be.

"How am I going to provide for your life?" Alexander whispered, almost to himself. "For his life? We can't live here forever."

Eliza knew ambition was a huge part of who her husband was as a person. But pride was bigger. He wouldn't be able bring himself to live at Pastures forever. And, as much as her family meant to her, Eliza agreed. She still felt like she was playacting at being a wife, but at five months pregnant, she clearly wasn't. She wanted a house of her own, with just her, and Alexander, and their children.

It would make it real, she hoped.

But as much as they wanted that, right now they did not have the means to support their child. Alexander would see himself as a failure if he had to rely on her parents for their livelihood, and she could tell he couldn't see a way out of this.

For the first time, he seemed truly helpless.

"Do you remember what else you told me that day?" Eliza asked.

Alexander just looked puzzled, so she continued: "You said 'we'll figure it out.'"

She squeezed her husband's hand. "And we will. We don't need a legacy. Or money. All I need is you, and our child. That will be enough. More than enough."

"We'll figure it out."

* * *

She had been sitting there in the garden with Alexander for what felt like mere minutes, before Eliza heard footsteps.

"Alexander!" cried a voice from the doorway. "You're back."

"Hello Angelica."

He left her side for a moment and walked up to Angelica, bending over and kissing her hand. Eliza could've sworn she saw her sister's cheeks colour.

She knew she should be angry that her sister was acting so informal with her husband – and that Alex was reciprocating – but she couldn't possibly bring herself to be unhappy, given the current circumstances. She knew how much Angelica had been anticipating Alexander's return.

And she had a feeling that if the situation were reversed, Angelica would feel the same way.

* * *

That night, when Eliza emerged from the bathroom, Alexander was sitting on the bed, smiling at her. It was one of those soft smiles, one filled with devotion and love.

A smile that no one else would see.

It was so wonderful to be in the same room with him once more.

"You're beautiful," he whispered, walking up to her and drawing her into his arms.

Eliza smiled. Angelica had been right. But hearing it from his lips was nothing compared to the way he proceeded to show her.

* * *

Lying in bed afterwards, Eliza realised that, for the first time in several months, she felt comfortable. She had to sleep on her back now; her stomach had become so large. She had briefly wondered if it could be twins.

It had never been a position in which she particularly liked to sleep, but now she wondered if she had ever felt so content in bed. Maybe it was her husband's very presence, or maybe it was just the way he was stroking her hair.

"Alexander, what is it?" she turned her head to look at him.

"Nothing," he whispered. "Sometimes I just forget how lucky I am to be your husband."

He smiled as he softly kissed her nose. "We'll figure it out."


	5. Chapter 5

"Alexander!" Peggy said brightly when he and Eliza came downstairs for breakfast the next morning.

"Good morning Miss Margarita." He spun Peggy around. Eliza giggled.

"Eliza said you wanted to talk to me," he added.

She sounded somewhat surprised when she answered: "Oh yes."

Eliza had completely forgotten Peggy had something she wanted to ask Alexander. It seemed like she had written that letter a lifetime ago, though it couldn't have been more than six weeks. Frankly, she was surprised Alexander remembered. It didn't even sound like Peggy had remembered until now.

But maybe that was because he was reading her letters over and over again, just like she did with the ones he sent to her.

That thought made her heart sing. She loved him so much.

Alexander's return had resulted in a change in the entire Schuyler household. Both Angelica and Peggy were almost as excited as Eliza was, the boys were constantly bombarding him for updates on the war – something that made their father proud, annoyed, and sad all at the same time –, and little Cornelia loved having her Uncle Alex home, and Alex was only too happy to indulge her every whim, from sitting next to her as she played the pianoforte to simply listening as she talked for up to an hour about whatever was on her mind.

Eliza hoped this boded well for their child.

* * *

"The General said you need to rest," Eliza told her husband firmly. "He wants you to have nothing to do with the war right now."

Luncheon had just finished and she and Alexander had managed to slip away to the upstairs parlour alone. She knew there was nothing inherently wrong with this; they were married after all, but it she made her feel she was doing something rebellious and improper, which in turn, made it all the more appealing.

"I understand."

"You don't mind?" Eliza thought her husband might try and ignore his orders, or at least complain. But he didn't seem to be upset at all.

"No," he sighed. "I wasn't very happy there." This, Eliza knew.

"Besides," he added. "It's wonderful spending time with my wife."

"What did Peggy want to tell you?" asked Eliza. "Would she mind if you told me?" Although she had forgotten until this morning, she did remember her sister had been very secretive about what it was she wanted to ask Alexander.

"I suppose not," Alexander considered. "She seems to be quite smitten with one Lieutenant Stephen Van Rensselaer III. She wanted to know what a courtship with him would be like."

"I'm her sister!"

"And he's a military man," countered Alex. "She wanted to know what it would be like for a soldier to court her, rather than the other way round. I'm sure she would go to you for advice on that."

"And she didn't want to talk to Daddy, I suppose?" Eliza said dramatically; she knew her sister confided in Alexander.

Alexander looked at her pointedly. She laughed.

"Well I can believe that."

* * *

Eliza's eyes flew open. She gasped. She felt like she had only just closed her eyes, but it was still dark outside. She didn't know if she'd be able to fall asleep again now.

Alex roused beside her. She felt his hand on her shoulder.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

She couldn't speak. She couldn't move. She was aware of one thing only; something she couldn't put words to; something that could only be felt.

Alexander had to speak again before she registered that he was talking to her.

"Eliza?"

Wordlessly, she took his hand and brought it to her stomach. She felt it again; the butterfly soft movement inside her.

Their child.

She turned her head to look at Alexander. His eyes were wide in awe.

"I love you, Betsey," he whispered.

* * *

"Now that the baby's moving, maybe we should think about a name," Eliza mused aloud. "We can't keep calling it 'him' forever, you know."

Alexander laughed. "Of course I know."

"Well…" Eliza said slowly, wondering if Alexander already had an idea. It sounded like he might. "Do you have any thoughts?"

"Philip for a boy," he said. It didn't even sound like a suggestion, but rather a decision he'd already made. She'd been correct. "After your father."

"What about your parents?" Eliza asked. She didn't want their children to be named after only her family members. Alexander had never really had a family of his own; maybe he could feel closer to them if he named one of children after them.

James and Rachel?"

Eliza was considering the names, when Alexander spoke again:

"And my brother…"

"You have a brother?" she blurted.

Alexander had only told her the very basics of his parents, but she knew it was something he didn't like discussing. She hadn't known their names until he told her a minute ago.

He had never mentioned anything about a brother.

"I don't want to talk about it."

His tone was final, and Eliza didn't want to push her luck. But she was also very intrigued now.

"One day?" she asked softly; hopefully.

Alex looked up and gave her a small smile, and nodded. "One day," he promised.

"What about Angelica if it's a girl?" he continued, eager to change the topic.

Eliza pondered for a moment. Naming her daughter after her sister felt different to naming her son after her father. She was rather surprised Alex had suggested that. But she couldn't deny she liked the idea.

"That sounds perfect."

* * *

"Alexander. There's a letter for you," Angelica came running into Eliza's bedroom, waving an envelope in the air. She gave Eliza a small smile before returning her gaze to her brother-in-law.

He smiled charismatically at Angelica as he took the letter from her. "Oh, thank you."

Alexander left the bed and took a seat by the window as he opened the envelope and slid out the letter inside. Angelica stood around for a moment before taking her leave; her eyes on Alexander the entire time.

In years to come, Eliza would remember moments like these, but at twenty-four years old and heavily pregnant, the looks between her husband and her sister meant nothing to her.

She turned back to her husband, who, for all she knew, didn't know she existed; he was so engrossed in the letter. His forehead was creasing more the more he read.

"What is it?" she asked, worriedly.

"Eliza, I'm so sorry," he said despairingly as he looked up at her. "The General wants me out at Yorktown. I have to leave."

* * *

It was harder to watch him leave now than it had been before.

In hindsight, she realised the letter must have been from the General. Who else would write to Alexander?

He had been genuinely sad that he'd have to return, but at the same time, Eliza knew he was just as excited. General Washington had given him command of a battalion.

This was his dream. Eliza knew it was more dangerous for him now that it had been before, but Alexander was strong. He had a new reason to fight, to stay alive, and when they succeeded, when he came home, things would change for their family.

Once again, she refused to think 'if'.

"Stay safe," she whispered through the lump in her throat.

"I will," he promised. "Don't worry about me. He placed his hands tenderly on her stomach. "Worry about him."

She was still crying when she looked back up at him. They both knew that wasn't going to happen.

"Come back to me."

"I will," he whispered. "I promise."

* * *

 **Peggy's husband really was Stephen Van Rensselaer III, though as far as I'm aware, he was not a military man of any kind. But hey, creative license.**


	6. Chapter 6

Eliza was sitting in the parlour with her mother, who was sipping at her tea while she was knitting some clothes for the baby. Her mother had said she could use some of the old baby clothes she had, but Eliza was determined to do this on her own.

"Besides," she'd told her. "You'll need them when your baby arrives."

She had just finished knitting the pair of socks she'd been working on for the better part of the week when it happened.

She felt the baby kick.

She had been feeling him move around a lot; almost daily since that first night when Alexander was home. But this was different.

It didn't feel painful – or even uncomfortable – to Eliza, she was entranced so. Alexander hadn't even been gone a week. He had been there to feel the baby quicken, but this was different.

It was like their child was greeting them. She wished he could be here for this.

"Does it always feel so wonderful?" she asked her mother, breathless.

Her mother smiled, knowing exactly what she was talking about. "Yes, Eliza," she whispered. "Yes it does."

* * *

Alexander's letters came more infrequently now than ever before, but Eliza clung to them like a lifeline.

 _My darling, Betsey,_

 _As excited I was about leaving for the opportunity to command a battalion, it is so much harder here now than it was before I returned home._

 _I have to thank Lafayette for this opportunity. Without him, the general might not have given me this command. Apparently, he appealed to the General that I would be paramount to our cause. It is wonderful to have him fighting alongside me. I am so glad he cares enough about our country to fight against the British._ __

 _I know very few of my men personally._ _Laurens is in South Carolina_ _right now, so I know not what he is doing, or his wellbeing; though I know it is exactly what he wants **.** It has always been his dream to abolish slavery, and one day form the first black battalion, and I know he will fight for that._

 _One of the men I do know is Lee, and having him under my command incenses me greatly. I am fighting to keep my anger at bay, though I still do not know why the General has not removed him from the war entirely, especially after his duel with Laurens and the injuries he sustained therein, but it was probable that there wasn't anything that could be done._

 _I do not know how long I will be here, my love. War is an ugly and terrible thing, and it cares not who lives and who dies._

 _And yet it is something I have always wanted. But I am now more determined than ever to survive. I'd never had friends until I arrived in New York, but when I met you I found the family I never had._

 _I'll be home soon my love, to see you and our son._

 _Yours,_ _  
Alexander_

'Stay alive for me,' she thought as she folded the paper. 'For the baby.'

It was just like so many of the previous letters; less of a love letter and more of an update, with an affectionate thought as a footnote.

And yet it wasn't. This footnote meant more to Eliza than all those before it; more than most of the letters he wrote to her during their courtship. He did care about her, and their family, more than the war.

For her that was more than enough.

* * *

Days became weeks and weeks became months.

The closer Eliza got to her due date, the more anxious she grew. It wasn't simply that her husband was away at Yorktown. The war hadn't ended yet, and she had no way of knowing when it would. She heard so little from Alexander, and nothing he wrote gave her any more information.

In every letter he promised he'd be home soon, and told her about his command, but said nothing to indicate the progress of the war, how far away the end was.

She didn't believe Alexander would hide anything from her, but the fact that he knew as little as she – from out there on the battlefield – was cold comfort.

* * *

 _Dearest, Eliza,_

 _By the time you are reading this letter I shall be on my way home to you. Maybe I shall be home already. I leave Yorktown tonight._

 _As you know, there was a time when I was younger, before I came to New York, when I longed for a war. And while I cannot deny I am glad to have lived through one, I am grateful beyond words that it is over. We have won our independence and I feel like less of an outsider and more of an American every day. But it is far more than that._

 _It is you, my love._

 _I do not know if I was able to show you how I truly feel when I was with you. Despite my fears, having a child with you is the most wonderful thing that will ever happen to me. I was terrified I might not be good enough, but after everything that has transpired, I feel I may be able to do it; to be the father our child deserves._

 _And the husband you deserve._

 _I can't wait to see you again. To meet our son._

 _Yours,  
Alexander_

Eliza wiped her eyes, and set the letter down. He was coming home.

She hadn't liked the idea of bringing a child into the world in the middle of the war, but she didn't have to worry any longer. The war was over, her husband had survived, and was returning to her. He would meet his son.

* * *

It started just like any other day. The maid had laid out some afternoon tea, and Eliza was giggling with Peggy and Angelica in the parlour.

No more letters had come from Alex, but she no longer minded. After finding out he was coming home, she had been able to relax, and devote more time to preparing for the baby's arrival. It was September, so the baby could be born at any moment.

She had continued to make clothes, and her sisters had even taken to helping her, Angelica often with a book in her lap at the same time, and Peggy gushing over her current sweetheart.

Commenting on yet another of Angelica's philosophical musings over the unfair treatment of women in society, Eliza suddenly stopped abruptly, as though rendered mute from the sharp stab she felt in her abdomen that could only be one thing.

A contraction.

She barely had time to set down her teacup before it consumed her and she nearly doubled over.

"Eliza," Angelica asked. "Are you alright?"

"No," she gasped, still overcome with pain. "Peggy could you –?"

White-faced, her sister nodded, and rushed out of the room promptly, leaving her there with Angelica, grimacing as she waited for the contraction to subside.

Thankfully it passed soon enough; but that was little reassurance to Eliza, who knew, after witnessing the birth of so many of her siblings, the worst was yet to come.

"I'm scared," she whispered to Angelica.

Her sister just nodded and patted her hand soothingly. Eliza knew there was nothing else she could do.

She hadn't been hit with another contraction by the time her mother waddled into the room after Peggy made Eliza even more frightened. It seemed like an age since her sister left.

Her mother looked at her calmly; completely contrary to her pained and panicked expression. Eliza knew what her mother was going to say before she opened her mouth:

"It's time."


	7. Chapter 7

Before she knew what was happening, Eliza had been whisked upstairs, her clothing seeming to fall off as she went; shoes, stockings, stomacher, pannier, skirt, petticoat, until she was dressed in nothing but her shift.

She had only had one contraction during it all.

Alice was waiting when they arrived in the bedroom, hot towels, a washbowl and a pitcher, filled with boiling water, at the ready. Alice had been Mama's midwife for as long as Eliza could remember, and would now be hers.

Angelica and Peggy had been shooed out of the room as soon as she was settled on the bed. Eliza knew they wanted to stay, and part of her wanted them to be there to support her, but another part of her didn't want her sisters to see her like this. She didn't know how she would act during the birth, or even how long it would last; her mother had been in labour for almost eleven hours when Rensselaer was born.

And even though she was already twenty-three, the desire she and Angelica had to protect Peggy had never gone away.

Alice placed her hand on Eliza's stomach, gauging the baby's position. "Mm-hmm," she mused. "The head is facing down."

"That's good isn't it?" Eliza said, feeling like she was six years old and asking after a friend who had just had a slight cold and was no longer feeling poorly. She realised how truly innocent she was to the new world of motherhood she was about to enter.

"Yes, but your contractions aren't even close to five minutes apart," continued Alice. "We have a long way to go."

As if on cue, another contraction hit, but it wasn't the only reason Eliza groaned.

She tried not to feel too embarrassed, though it proved to be a difficult task; everybody was constantly looking in between her legs, and boiling water, and murmuring things to each other, and generally acting as if she wasn't there. Even her mother was bustling around helping, as though she wasn't seven months pregnant herself.

She understood, of course. The baby was nowhere close to coming, as Alice had said, but it did nothing to relax, or more importantly, prepare her for what was to come; instead leaving her feeling more alone and scared. As much as the contractions hurt, in between them, she had nothing to distract her from her mortification at having company in what felt like such an improper situation.

* * *

She didn't even remember her water until it broke, soaking the bed sheets, and when she looked at the clock, she saw it hadn't even been two hours, though time had seemed to stretch out, making her feel like she was inside a giant never-ending tunnel.

Screams she didn't know she could make ripped from her throat. The contractions were coming quicker now, according to her mother and Alice who were timing them, since Eliza couldn't concentrate; unable to do anything beyond lie on the bed waiting for the next bout of spasms to attack her body.

"Five minutes," Alice said after Eliza recovered from the most recent contraction, her eyes on the clock. She then bent down to look under Eliza's shift again. "And you're fully dilated."

Eliza knew what that meant. It was time to push.

"Are you ready?" her mother asked.

She was wide-eyed and more terrified than she'd ever been in her life, but she nodded.

* * *

In later years Eliza wouldn't be able to recall what had happened after that moment. The pain had been so excruciating it was as though her body had been sent into a trance; it was so bad she no longer knew what she was feeling.

Nor did she know how her body was doing what it was. She pushed without knowing how to, as easy and naturally as breathing.

Alice and her mother had been talking to her, but she hadn't been able to make sense of the words.

It was only when it ended that she came back to herself; when the most beautiful sound in the world reached her ears; a sound more wonderful than any musical composition, more glorious than any song, more magnificent than anything heard in the natural world.

When she heard the cry. And there he was.

Philip.

Her son.

* * *

Eliza didn't mind being confined to her bed so much. On the contrary, she had never felt more wonderful. From the moment Alice had laid her son on her breast, Eliza felt like the world had turned upside down; shifted on its axis, never to be right again.

Except now, _right_ would be wrong. She was overcome with a sense of beauty that she knew would never fade, and she never wanted her life to be as it had been before.

She couldn't imagine a world without Philip.

She caught strains coming from down the hallway. It was likely Cornelia was in the middle of her music lesson. For a moment Eliza felt wistful; she hadn't played the pianoforte since the very, very early days of her pregnancy. Between the war, Alexander's absence and all the other developments, both at home and in the country, that seemed like a lifetime ago.

By the time her exhaustion had gone away, she could not sit comfortably on the stool, her stomach had grown so.

But soon enough she would be able to play again. And as soon as possible she was going to teach Philip.

* * *

"Betsey," a voice whispered, rousing Eliza from her light slumber. She looked up and smiled broadly at the sight of her husband standing in the doorway.

One of the upsides of her confinement was that it had kept her from dwelling on Alexander's absence. With childbirth being something strictly forbidden for men, and every day since being more or less the same, when he arrived home, it felt like he had missed nothing.

"You're so beautiful, my love."

He looked transfixed seeing the baby in her arms, and it wasn't until she spoke that he was able to move at all.

"Alexander," she whispered back. "Come and meet your son."

* * *

 **And here ends this story. Thank you for all the reviews. I'll be back soon with more _Hamilton_ stories, and I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas.**


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